Whew, what a Game 7 of the National League Championship Series. I thought I had it there at the end when I was pinch-hitting in the ninth inning. It all was set up for one of those late-inning victories. I mean, Endy Chavez goes and makes that catch to rob Scott Rolen of a two-run homer in the sixth inning -- that catch was crazy. I wasn't in the dugout, because I was in the clubhouse getting stretched out. And then we heard the cheers. The play was delayed on the TV in here and we saw it happen. It was crazy. Just wild. I mean, the first thing I thought was, "It's a good thing I'm not out there." I have to give it up to Endy, but, you know, if I had two good wheels, I might have been able to make that grab, too. Who knows? If I was healthy, I might have been able to do a lot of things for the boys, the fans and the team.

I thought things were set up for us, though, after the catch. Then they take a lead on Yadier Molina's ninth-inning homer and things just seemed like they were put in place for us. It was like the baseball gods were doing something crazy again. And here at Shea Stadium of all places. When I came up, all I could think about was that Kirk Gibson home run in Game 1 of the World Series at Dodger Stadium in 1988, when he blasted a long ball on one good wheel. And that was me walking up there. The fans were going wild like they've been all year, all series.

I was looking to send them home happy, make this place get even louder than it was on that first pitch. But I swung so hard, so fast that I literally saw it fly by my bat. And that kind of woke me up. I was like, "Whoa, slow down and chill. You have to focus." And that's what I did. The next one that I swung at, man, I thought I had that as well. And when a guy's down like that, like you know you got him in trouble with people on base, you have to make the most of it and take advantage of the pitches he gives you. If you don't, then you saw what happened. But his curveball was real big, like it starts up so high and drops down for a strike. When Jeff Suppan and Chris Carpenter throw that, usually it doesn't get in there for a strike, but Adam Wainwright drops in there perfect for a strike without you ready for it. That last one did just that.

I felt real disappointed for the fans, for Willie Randolph and for these guys. I wasn't able to come through for them at that point, but also because I couldn't be there for them a lot of the season and in the playoffs. I wanted to, but it's just been real frustrating. Things started out like that this season and ended that way as well.

I thought, though, that we'd still pull it out when Carlos Beltran came to bat with the bases loaded and two out. But Wainwright dropped that same pitch on him. It was weird when that last out happened, because when I was in the playoffs before with the Marlins, nobody else ran on the field and celebrated. It was just weird and disappointing to see someone else do that here. I just never thought someone else would be able to beat us on our own turf.

But you have to tip your hat to them, because they came in and did the job and took care of business. Now they're going to Detroit and we're not. We'll see what happens. But we battled. When you have two of your top pitchers go down before the playoffs start and you have two guys step up like John Maine and Oliver Perez, you know we came to play. Those guys did a heck of a job -- just incredible. It's exciting to see what they did, because they gave Willie and general manager Omar Minaya something to talk about for next season so that they can come back here and hopefully challenge for a spot in the rotation.

As far as me, I'm going to have surgery next week on my injured Achilles tendon and then get in a good rehab session. It's going to be a good four months of therapy, but I'm going to call Omar and let him know how it's going and that I want to be a part of this team next year. It's been frustrating, because I know what I have to offer and I know what I can bring to this team. These guys have been incredible this year, not only on the field but in here, hanging out. It's been the best team I've ever been a part of. It's been disappointing not only from a team standpoint but also a personal standpoint because of some family issues that happened this year and not being able to contribute the way I wanted. But it's been such a joy to be around these guys this year. And that's why it was so disappointing at the end, because I wanted to help the boys out.

I just have to thank Willie for sticking with me and giving me the opportunity to be in there and give me the chances. I owe him a lot and he means so much to me. He's been incredible to play for and hopefully I can be back again next year. I know it's a business and I know that part of it. But I'm going to give them something to think about and get healthy so they can have Cliff in mind when they decide on a team for next year.

After the surgery, I'm just going to get away from baseball for a bit and mostly spend a lot of time with my kids. That's the best you can do -- get your mind away from the game for a little while and just spend some quality time with your family and kids, if you have them.

But it's been an amazing season, and I just want the fans to know how much I thank them for their words of support and how special it means that they've been pulling for me. I hope I'm back to show them the real Cliff next year, and hopefully it'll be playing for the Mets. I'm going to work hard to do so, I know that. So keep pulling for ol' Cliff. I'll be back.

The big thing for us is that we live to see another day after our win in Game 6 on Wednesday night. Hopefully it gives me another day to get ready and help us win a game. If we make the World Series, my main goal is to be healthy enough to be included on the Fall Classic roster.

I feel pretty good, and my injured Achilles tendon is coming around. But it takes time. Like anything else, you don't want to do anything stupid to jeopardize your team's chance of going to the World Series.

It's tough being on the bench and not being able to contribute. It's terrible, but it is what it is. I've learned not to let your emotions get too high and just go with the flow. And if I get an opportunity, I will try and make the most of it.

I'm not trying to be a coach or anything on the bench. I'm just taking it all in and hoping the guys do good and we get to the next round. I'm just being a cheerleader in the dugout. I even start singing that song for Jose Reyes. I love it, the fans love it. They appreciate a player like that and I find myself chanting it -- even in the car on the way home.

Everybody was chilling on the plane ride home from St. Louis after Game 5 on Tuesday night. We felt good coming home. We were happy to get out of St. Louis and get back home to our fans. We play well here at Shea Stadium, so nobody was really worried about us possibly being eliminated from the postseason.

It was tense and tight on Wednesday. Everyone was stressing a bit, but we just had to get the job done. There are kind of similarities to when I was playing in the postseason with Florida in 1997. But you just have to get it done. Hey, the Cardinals are going through the same thing, but they're in a tougher environment. If they can win here, you just have to tip your hat to them. This is a crazy place. We sense it's going to be tough for them when we've got the crowd on our side. In St. Louis, it was nothing. We felt like we could deal with it. The crowd never got into Game 5. They were a little loud, but nothing too distracting. Playing there was nothing.

Manager Willie Randolph probably will say the same thing to me about my chances of playing. I don't even think that if I said I felt pretty good he would mess with the chance of playing me and jeopardizing getting injured even worse. So, right now, I think we're stuck with what we got. I made this bed, so I need to lie in it.

When I came into to pinch-hit in the ninth inning of Game 5 of the National League Championship Series, my first thing was to see some pitches and get myself a good at-bat, which I did. I got to 2-0.

When I grounded out to first base, I felt pain in my left Achilles tendon as I was running down the line. It's really uncomfortable. I saw Albert Pujols run to the base and I never had a guy that far away beat me to a bag. But my teammates know that I am trying my best. That's all that matters.

I have to have surgery on the Achilles in the offseason if I want to play again. I've been looking forward to playing healthy for the last six or seven years. Hopefully we will win the World Series and it would be a great offseason to have the surgery. I will have no doubts or anything. Hopefully somebody will give me the opportunity to help.

Monday's rainout gives me another day to get healthy. It will give me a chance to get healthier and get out there to help us win a ballgame. That's the main thing here. I don't want to put my team in a position where I go out there and come out in the first inning. I can't do that. I have to make sure that I come here Tuesday early, get myself ready to go.

Once I get to the ballpark, I will get treatment and do my normal activities, tape it up and get sweaty. I have to make Willie Randolph believe that I'm ready to start Game 5. He feels good about his lineup right now and I have to find a way to get back in.

During practice, I will have bench coach Jerry Manuel hit me some balls in the gap and over my head. I want to see if I can get good jumps on them. We have Tom Glavine pitching Tuesday and his defense will play a big role on how he does. When you have a pitcher like Glavine, you have to be ready. He is looking for a spectacular play. He wants the routine plays made.

Everybody knows that I'm not feeling well, but that doesn't matter when it's the playoffs.

We definitely needed this victory Sunday night against the Cardinals. We just came out and did what we did all year. When we score runs, we score in bunches.

With Oliver Perez being young and inexperienced in this postseason situation, we kind of thought that he might be all right out there. He gave us a solid start. In these types of situations, you never know what's going to happen in the playoffs. I was very happy that he was able to keep us in the ballgame.

The series is going back to New York and I like our chances. That's what you play this game for. Everybody feels good about themselves. We help each other out. When you win, as I saw in 1997 with the Marlins, all 25 guys have made a contribution in some way. When you have that, it makes you feel good about your chances.

Hopefully I will get healthy and help us. I'm pitch-hitting right now. Hopefully, I can get a little healthy and go back on the field. If the game is rained out Monday, it would help everybody, especially me. It would make everybody feel better. If we don't get the rainout, let's play ball.

If there's a rainout, I would look forward to starting on Tuesday. That would be another day off for me. It would help me out. If Willie Randolph feels comfortable putting me out there, I will go.

The Achilles tendon is weak. I don't want to hurt the team. When you care about the guys on the team, a lot of things come into play.

It has been a rough few days, so it was good to hear from my old buddy Mike Cameron on Friday. It really helped. I think everybody knows how close we are, and he just wanted me to know he was with me, supporting me, hoping everything works out all right with this injury I'm dealing with now.

Cam is great at eliminating the negative part of anything. I think anyone who has known him and played with him would tell you what a great presence he is in a clubhouse. Ask people around the league who they'd want to play with, and Mike Cameron is a name you'd hear from a whole lot of them.

Basically, he said, "Hey, if you can do it, do it." He didn't say, "I understand if you can't." He doesn't think that way. He's all about putting positive thoughts in your head.

So much of this game is your mental approach. If you allow yourself to be mentally ready, 90 percent of your job is done. The other 10 percent is to go out and play.

I'm trying to do everything possible to get this Achilles tendon working right again. We're taping it, and when the tape comes off I feel better, but it does give me some stability on it.

I did some hitting Saturday before the game, and it felt better. I could have pinch-hit in the game if they'd needed me. I'm hoping it will feel even better Sunday. How I run before batting practice, how it responds, that will tell us a lot. At least I'll know where I am.

I won't go out there feeling like I did in Game 1 after I ran to first in that at-bat. I want to get the thing fixed. I just look forward to enjoying it again. It's no fun when you can't help your team. I want to be out there.

If I feel like I can go out there and get the job done, maybe I'll give it a shot, see if I can get in the lineup. But if I can't, we've got a good player out there. Endy Chavez can do a lot of things to help you win.

Cam keeps telling me, "You're going to be OK." It's like when he was coming back last year after that collision and had to go through so much to get back in shape to play. That was really inspirational. It was great to talk with him. I mean, that's what friends are for, right?

I was hoping things would go the same for us as they've gone for the Tigers. Imagine that. Two teams rolling and they meet in the World Series. Well, we still may get there. It's just one loss. But it's going to take more time and more effort.

And now we have to go to a tough environment and block it all out, just like the Cardinals blocked it out here. Other than injuries, we haven't had to deal with adversity. But we've been ahead all year. And now we have to fight back. We haven't been in that position for a long time -- except for in some games.

You know what I really don't like? It's how they won it. I know Billy Wagner will be fine. He's got strong shoulders. But now the Cardinals know they can do it. Billy's no weaker because of what happened. But they could be a little stronger, doing what they did.

When you come from behind, you get a good feeling. I know how we feel when we come back and win and when we beat someone's closer. It picks you up big time.

This is a bad kind of loss. No doubt. But it's a good type of win for them. And I don't like that.

I don't think anyone was planning on a sweep, even when we were up 6-4. The Cardinals aren't in this by luck. They're a good team. You can see that. We're going to have to show how good we are now.

And I hope I get a chance to help. My Achilles tendon injury is what it is. I'm just going to take treatment and try to play Sunday and all the games after that -- until we win.

I know I'm a big guy. I'm sure I look a little taller now. I've got this long face. I can't hide all my disappointment. I'm delighted we won. I'm so glad for Tom Glavine and Carlos Beltran and for Endy Chavez. What a diving catch he made in the fifth inning. I'm so happy we won.

But I hurt, too, and it's not just my leg. You get that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you know you pulled something or you heard something pop. And I heard -- or felt -- two pops when I was running out the foul ball in the second inning. I don't know what they mean or what happened. I just know none of it's good. Not for me and not for us.

I didn't want to put us at a disadvantage. Now I'm afraid I have. We could be down one man for the rest of the series. I know that. I'll know more on Friday morning when I get an MRI -- another one -- and the doctors tell me what I did this time. Right now, they say I've irritated the sheath that covers the Achilles tendon. They said maybe a shot would make it better. I thought I was done with shots. Maybe not. Because if that's what it takes to make me better, then I'll get another one and see.

The only thing I know for sure is that I'm not playing in Game 2; whether it's because I get a shot or just because I can't, I'm out of there. And we'll have one of the best defensive players in the game in my place. So that makes me feel a little better.

But I want to contribute. If I'm a pinch-hitter the rest of the series, I'll be all right, as long as I can help. If I can play and help, that's even better. If I can't, I can't. Who knows? This might be bad. I may be done for rest of the postseason. Hey, when I flied out, that might have been the last at-bat of my career. I hope not. But it could be. And, if it was, well, I'm proud it came trying to help my boys win.

And we won. It's really what matters most.

It was a weird baseball day. You have that sense of anticipation when you wake up. And for me, it might have been a little more than it was for the next guy, because I heard late Tuesday that I was on the National League Championship Series roster and I was going to get to help my team in a big game. Great.

I wasn't so sure when I left Shea Stadium. My left Achilles tendon hurt after Willie Randolph worked me out. It felt OK when I got to the park Tuesday. It always gets worse as the day goes on.

That's why this rain stinks. It costs us an off-day. And I was looking forward to it, because I'd need it after playing two games. What are you going to do? Maybe not playing Wednesday will help, but I don't think it will help as much as an off-day between Games 2 and 3 would.

Anyway, then I headed to the park. I live in New Jersey, and it was just spittin' over there. As I get closer to Shea, it starts getting wetter and nastier. And you hear the forecast. And you're down. Darn. You want to play. Rain isn't helping anyone, especially a dude with a sore Achilles. But you don't know for sure. So you start waiting and looking for things to occupy your mind. For me, I had to get treatment, so I was busy.

Then you hear about poor Cory Lidle. You don't know what to say. Whether I played with him or not, he's one of us. And he's a human. He's one of all of us. Man, it just stays with you. You apply it to yourself, of course. I think all of us do. We're all on planes, all the time. We're not flying them, but we're in them.

And you never give it a thought until something awful like this happens. Then my lady calls me. She's upset because he's a baseball player. It feels closer to home. I understand that. You apply it to yourself. Then you hear Cory's wife is in the air, and she doesn't even know he's gone. You hurt for her. Your heart goes out to her and his family.

The rainout didn't mean that much after all -- not when you think about what happened to him.

I hope we have a moment of silence for him tomorrow before we play. We should think about him and what's really important.

You just have to face the truth sometimes, ugly as it is. I know there’s a chance I may not play, a chance that I may not even be in the roster because of this Achilles. What am I going to do? I don’t know anything for sure. I don’t know what’s in Willie’s head anymore than I know exactly what’s going on inside my leg. I just know it hurts.

They wanted me to have another MRI on Monday. It was all set up. But I said, “What for? All it’s gonna say is that I’m hurt, and I know that already.” So here I am. I’d love to be out there. I’m swinging the bat pretty good right now. And I can help. But I know a ball in the gap could be a problem. I’m pretty sure Willie knows that, too. He saw me in the outfield yesterday during our workout. If this was the World Series already, we wouldn’t be talking about this. I think I’d be the DH, cause it doesn’t affect me at all when I swing.

So I wouldn’t be stealing bases, I’d just have to rely on power and hit a few out so I could trot. You know if that ball Greenie hit Saturday in LA goes out, I could have just walked home and nothing happens to this Achilles. Three or four inches higher, and I’m downshifting.

They told me Todd Zeile hit a ball like that –- like Greenie did -- in the World Series, against the Yankees in 2000. It almost went out. It goes out, and the Mets get two runs. But it stayed in, and that Timo Perez got thrown out at the plate. Jeter made that great relay.

See, I’m kinda worried about that, too -- that I might not score when I should because of this thing. I’m not afraid of the pain. I’ve been hurting in both legs –- off and on -– for a long time. The right one’s better now. But I’ve got to be able to do my job in the outfield and on the bases. As much as I want to play and help us win, I wouldn’t want to be the reason we lose -– because I can’t run.

I’ve told Willie that.

So yeah, I know I may be out of there. But I’ll be there rooting. These are my boys. D. Wright, I have to be there for him, help him get through all this. I know he wants to say he’s outgrown me, that he doesn’t need Cliffie. I don’t make him carry my bags anymore, but he’s still my little guy. Bad leg or not, I gotta look after my little guy.

So I’ll be there one way or the other.